bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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