Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can't motorboat a personality
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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