god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
