I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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