please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
