Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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