Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
