why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
