p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
