when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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