Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My ass is underappreciated
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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