The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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