after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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