Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize