That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
