I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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