I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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