Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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