I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
