She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
