hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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