i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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