You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
