i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
