I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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