it's too hot outside to masturbate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
