We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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