I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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