i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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