I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize