I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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