She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
