spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
