Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
