When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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