I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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