Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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