I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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