You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
