he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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