You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
MIDGETS
????
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
