whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
In America we eat man semen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
