My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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