after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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