these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
