I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I want to fling myself into the sun
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
