i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
