Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
