my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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