dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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