I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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