My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
