david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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