Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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