Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
