I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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