Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
