I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
