Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize