I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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