Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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