I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
