Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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