Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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