Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
