If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
