Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
