Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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