I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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