I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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