dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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