I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
