She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
