i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I party with great urgency now.
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