Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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